2009년 05월 31일
Hand Collector
A long, long time ago, in a small kingdom, there lived a witch named Incipit. This cute witch had the appearance of a little girl and no one really knew when she first started living in the castle. One day, the king spoke to the witch. "Soon my daughter, the princess, will turn eighteen years old. Kidnap my daughter until I find a husband for her. And you must kill anyone who comes to rescue the princess." The king continued with a threat, "If you don't keep this promise, I will immediately cease supporting you and I will send out my soldiers to kill you!"
As promised, the witch trapped the princess in the tower. Meanwhile, the king proclaimed that he will bequeath his throne to whoever rescues the princess. Many nobles and ignorant peasants set off to the castle to rescue the princess. But the witch killed them all. The king ordered the soldiers to cut the right hand of every slain man. The soldiers severed only the right hand of the nobles and brought them before the king. The king's ulterior motive was to eliminate those ambitious nobles who threatened his throne and he checked those killed by examining the Family Insignia on each noble's right hand.
When the witch learned of the king's foul scheme, she lamented "Oh, the poor fools." Weeping, she collected the severed right hands of the peasants and brought them back to the castle. They belonged to a blacksmith, a guard, a thief, a cook, a pathfinder, a farmer, a miner, a wood cutter, a clown, and a murderer.
The witch scrubbed the hands everyday and loved them all equally except one particular hand. She was so fond of that particular hand that she told stories everyday to the hand. The witch never smiled when she was telling her stories, not even once. Although that particular hand loved the witch just as much, it could not respond to witch's words.
Finally the king sent a letter to the witch. It stated that a prince from the neighboring kingdom was selected as the groom for the princess. The king's letter ordered the witch not to kill the prince so that he may rescue the princess. The witch told her beloved hand, "The prince is coming here with his soldiers. The prince is probably a strong man and I will surely die."
Having heard of the imminent predicament, the doleful hand told the 'Hand of Hypocrite' of the witch's trouble, who in turn gathered all the hands in the castle. The Hand of Hypocrite said, "She really is considerate, sometimes even more so that my wife." The hands guffawed at the Hand of Hypocrite's remark. Then one of the hand asked, "Why did you die trying to rescue the princess when you were already married?" The Hand of Hypocrite answered, "Because I wanted to be the king, of course!" Then, wiping the wily smile off its face the Hand of Hypocrite said, "If you are born a man, you ought to dream at least once of becoming a king! If you can't become one, then you ought to defend your king or your king-like wife instead." The hands guffawed once more. "From now on, my king (or queen, if you will. It doesn't make much difference) is Incipit." The hands remained silent.
Amidst the night, the prince marched into the witch's castle, leading his soldiers. The Hand of Thief stole the lamp from the prince in a blink of an eye and then The Hand of Clown ventriloquize the prince, "Lord Prince! If you are able to rescue the princess easily, will you let the witch live?" The prince answered, "I will not. You too must have heard about the 'Hand Collector' witch, did you not? I must kill the witch, to prevent any more of her twisted fetish of severing hands of poor peasants."
The Hand of Clown returned to the group of hands with the news of prince's intent. The hands bustled to save the witch. The Hand of Miner dug trap holes, the Hand of Blacksmith bent the soldiers' swords, and the Hand of Guard, along with other hands, valiantly blocked the prince's path. Meanwhile, the Hand of Wood Cutter chopped trees, with which the Hand of Boatbuilder built a boat, and the Hand of Hypocrite went to persuade the witch.
"Should you die, all our efforts would have been in vain. Hurry and escape!" The witch followed the Hand of Guide to the secret escaping route out of the castle. As the sun started to rise, the prince, having slaughtered all the bothersome hands aside, arrived at the last chamber of the castle only to find the witch gone and the precious princess strangled by the Hand of Murderer.
The Hand of Navigator sailed the boat with the witch to a distant land. Inside the boat there was scrumptious food prepared by the Hand of Cook with a note. The witch read the note under the light of the rising sun. It was a message from the particular hand the witch had so endearingly cared for.
My beloved Incipit,
This is the Incipit (beginning) of your beautiful, new life.
I yearn for your many smiles.
In the distant land, the witch lived happily for a long, long time.
And after the hand the witch had loved so passionately,
the Hand of Writer, finished this story,
the prince's blade tore the hand apart.
The End
# by | 2009/05/31 07:14 | Pastiches | 트랙백 | 덧글(0)






늑대와 소녀는 근처의 모텔에서 만나기로 약속한다. 늑대는 그곳에 가서 화려한 잠옷을 입고 소녀를 기다린다. 그런데 늑대와 소녀가 만나는 광경을 나무 그늘에 숨어 지켜본 사람이 있었다. 바로 소녀의 할머니이다. 할머니가 가입한 단체에 대해서는 말하지 않겠다. 다만, 할머니가 소아 성애와 근친 상간, 식인 풍습을 지지하고 채식주의를 반대하는 사람이라는 점만 밝히고자 한다. 한시라도 빨리 어린 손녀와 만나고 싶은 마음에 할머니는 모텔로 가서 늑대를 잡아먹고 늑대로 변장한다. 할머니는 <동물 분장자 협회>의 회원이기도 하다.






















